So. Bit of a predicament you’ve found yourself in, right? It seems like every other day, some masked creep is trying to bother you while you’re just trying to settle in and have some popcorn. Well, enough is enough. No more Mr/Mrs Nice Victim.
We’ve taken the time to search through the fictional history books and create a comprehensive guide on how to avoid encountering that pesky ghoul-faced slasher, Ghostface, with a little help from the Scream franchise. And, with Scream 6 fresh in our minds (check out our Scream 6 review here), what better time than now to brush up on your horror movie survival skills?
So with that in mind, let’s get into it and do like the best movies do. Or, actually, don’t do like the movies do. We’ll get to that. (Be warned: potential spoilers ahead for the entire Scream movie series.)
Don’t pick up the phone.
I mean, really, if you have a landline in this day and age, then you’re asking for it. When even your grandparents have made the switch to texting, what reason on God’s green Earth do you have to own an actual phone?
As we know, Ghostface has a tried and tested method of intercepting his victims and putting them in a vulnerable place via the landline. So it makes sense to cut out the middle element and hit him where it hurts: his method of communication. Time to cut the cord, literally.
Do check out IMDb once in a while.
Let’s face it, if you’re going to outwit Ghostface, you’re going to have to be something of a movie buff. It’s not guaranteed that knowing the difference between a reboot and a sequel will help you avoid the pointy end of his blade altogether, but it might just give you a fighting chance.
And skip out on the TV series research — having an extended knowledge of The Mandalorian isn’t going to cut it with Ghostface. His favourite subject (and the basis of his quiz questions) is horror movies, so you know where to get cracking. In this instance, being a nerd might just save your life.
Don’t be alone, ever.
This one can be applied to most common horror movie instances, but especially when it comes to Ghostface. There’s nothing he loves more than someone, alone, unprotected, be it in a big house, basement, or even just standing by a van. Doesn’t matter — he’ll get you either way.
So, stay in public places and avoid being left home alone, especially at night. And if you’re at a party? Stay where everyone else is, for goodness sake.
Do watch what you say.
In slasher movies, it’s very important to mind your words. Even the slightest verbal mistake will upgrade you from a naive bystander to an unsuspecting victim. There’s nothing Ghostface loves more than some horror movie keyphrases, so think twice before you speak, especially if you find yourself in situations that suspiciously resemble those of a teen horror flick.
The two most pressing examples? “I’ll be right back,” and “Who’s there?” Don’t even think about it.
Don’t even bother having a romantic interest. Just don’t.
Listen, we all know that it’s a horror movie rule of almost biblical proportion: don’t have sex. Famously, female horror movie characters of the ‘pure’ persuasion almost always increase their chances of getting murdered as soon as they get under those bedsheets. So, why not really put the odds in your favour and just skip out on the whole girlfriend/boyfriend scenario altogether?
Famously, Ghostface (or one of his accomplices) is usually related to the main victim and most commonly in the form of a romantic relationship. Or, he could be an unhinged teen who pines after you, as in the case of Charlie from Scream 4.
We appreciate that this might come as slightly counterproductive to the previous advice of never being left alone. Well, it’s possible to be surrounded by people while avoiding the inevitable death warrant of being in a relationship in a thriller movie. So just don’t go falling in love unless you want to end up as a deceased member of the Scream cast.
Do consider having no friends or family at all.
In fact, you know what? As well as having no romantic interests, just limit yourself to interacting with strangers only. Ditch the friends and family, too, because they could turn on you just as easily and wind up being the central character in a big twist reveal.
Consider Stu Macher from Scream (1996), Amber from Scream (2022), and Jill from Scream 4. See? It’s just better not to know anyone, ever.
Well, there you have it! A comprehensive guide on how to survive Ghostface, according to the movies. We don’t make the rules. We’re just spelling them out for you.
If you get the chance, be sure and line up some other movies to watch so you can study the methods of other movie villains in the meantime. But we’ve done everything we can do so, with that in mind, the best of luck to you and your friends. Is that your phone ringing?
It probably wouldn’t do any harm for you to brush up on your history and watch the Scream movies in order (here’s how to watch the Scream 6), or to check out some of the best ghost movies out there. And while you’re at it, be sure and check out all the new movies coming out this year.