The White Lotus has two seasons under its belt now. Season one whisked us away to Hawaii, in a whirlwind of class politics, and season two was hot hot hot with a focus on sex and desire in beautiful Italy. But who should join The White Lotus season 3 cast?
A hit HBO TV series with multiple Emmys and social media following the insane ride, it’s no wonder why actors keep crawling out of the woodwork to tell us they should be up to bat next for The White Lotus.
But, here’s the thing: not anyone can stay at a White Lotus hotel. You need a little something something — sauce, spice, panache, an off-beat absurdity. Everyone wants to star in it, but only a few actually should. Let us make our case with our dreamed-up and slightly unhinged The White Lotus season 3 cast list.
Who should be in The White Lotus season 3 cast:
- Meghann Fahy
- Christopher Abbott
- Jesse Williams
- Keke Palmer
- Jameela Jamil
- Emma Roberts
- Amandla Stenberg
- Paul Wesley
We’re starting off with a returning cast member, which can absolutely be done — just ask Jenifer Coolidge.
Meghann Fahy was the underrated hero of season 2. Theo James’ prosthetic may have stolen the limelight, but Fahy’s chameleon-like, constantly simmering under-the-surface performance was the most subtle and compelling. She reminded us of a passive-aggressive sorority sister who playfully degrades your job title at the 10-year reunion.
It feels like we got a mere taster of everything she has to offer, and we simply need more. It doesn’t even have to be the same character.
If there’s one thing to parse from thriller movie Bear and body horror movie Possessor, it’s that Christopher Abbott is very good in a quietly eerie setting.
He has an everyday quality to him that makes his silent internal screaming wonderful, and his reticent, absent microexpressions make us want to drop him into a pool of social sharks to watch what happens. Specifically, pair him with Fahy, and we can all wait in tense silence to see which one of them eats the other whole first.
The White Lotus in is need of a slightly douchey but harmless dreamboat. Jesse Williams of drama series Grey’s Anatomy fame is that dreamboat. Not in real life, of course, (well, we hope not), but we believe Williams can pull this off — mostly because of that unsettling viral Instagram live bit which altered the chemistry of our brains.
Mostly, we want Williams to look confused and be entirely unaware of his surroundings — a different flavour to the hyper-masculine arrogance of Theo James’ Cameron, but still a flavour.
Keke Palmer is a jack of all trades, but we view her as the audience vehicle in this scenario, not unlike her role in Ryan Murphy’s horror series Scream Queens.
In an absurd show like this, we need a navigator. Someone to be reasonable. Haley Lu Richardson was very almost this last season if it weren’t for her trust in a guy with so many obvious red flags, so we’re looking for a more refined, and hopefully less passive version of that presence.
Palmer is adept in roles where she gets to call out everyone else’s bullshit and is hilarious herself. Perfect.
This one might need the most explanation… but Jameela Jamil was made for this!
Social media fiascos, a firm knowledge of the tricky landscape of online limelight, previous ‘likeable beautiful airhead’ experience in comedy series The Good Place, and ample opportunity to lean into typecast, how do we not take an ever-so-slightly meta swing at this?
She would be the initially shallow socialite who redeems herself through cutesy quirks and ‘girlbossery’. She would get the best costumes, and always have a mojito in hand, regardless of the weather.
This pitch is fully based on Bodies Bodies Bodies, which despite being a baby movie is on our best comedy movies list. If you’ve seen that black comedy, you’ll know it lives and dies on vibes alone. The film is stuffed with melodramatic, intense, slightly sinister energies and Amandla Stenberg leads the pack. For most of the horror movie, you can’t tell whether she’s just a terrible girlfriend or a literal serial murderer.
We need her to scare us in The White Lotus season 3. Think the teenage girl duo from season 1, but more toxic.
Every season should have a seasoned yet underrated TV actor jump scaring us because they’re not where they belong — this is The Vampire Diaries alum Paul Wesley’s time to shine.
Possibly the least enthusiastic person in the world when it comes to his work on that teen series, we need him to give absolutely nothing, frown a lot, and serve major attitude just like he does on social media. And the thing is… he’s actually very good at his job.
There’s something about being on a CW show for 7 seasons that changes an actor, and it’s time to pay them reparations. If you can survive an eight-seasons-long love triangle where your character doesn’t age but you clearly do, you can survive a White Lotus stay.
Another Scream Queen cast member, when she’s not being the best Ghostface she’s usually front and centre in American Horror Story.
Excelling in bratty, rich-kid roles with camp stylings, we would like to play against type and pitch her as the girl-next-door, or give that typecast a different twist by going for more underhanded approach compared to her usual mean girl roles.
And if there’s one thing we must do, it’s recreate this meme, which embodies the very spirit of The White Lotus. The series should open with her posing for a candid video, and a body should appear in the distance, setting up our whodunnit.
Not to say this cast list isn’t very real and confirmed, but you might want to take a look at our guide to The White Lotus season 3 release date guide to find some actual details on it. Or, check out the new movies coming soon.