Is Paul Rudd the sexiest man alive? Yes. Why do we ask? Well, on paper it’s a simple question with a seemingly obvious answer. Yet within the hallowed halls of The Digital Fix, this question has split friends, divided colleagues, and even spilt out into our sister publications, The Loadout, Wargamer, and PCGamesN.
You see, for some reason, my colleagues do not agree with People magazine’s declaration that the sexiest man on planet Earth in 2021 was, in fact, Paul Rudd. Why don’t they think he’s sexy? Well, apparently, they believe that sexiness requires an edge that Rudd lacks. They think that to be truly alluring, you need a roughness, a certain air of danger, a ‘je ne sais quoi’ that the Ant-Man star just doesn’t have.
Now dear reader, you’re probably wondering what qualifications my colleagues have to denigrate a publication like People magazine and make a mockery of their solemn duty to bestow the title of sexiest man alive on the worthiest celebrity? Well, it may shock you to read this, but between them, they have none! Their opinion is entirely subjective and, more importantly, wrong. Rudd is a sexy man, in fact, he’s the sexiest man alive… in 2021.
Let’s start with the obvious; Rudd’s a very handsome man. His eyes are a gorgeous sea green, his hair thick and lustrous, and he has a smile so warm I kind of wish I could take it to bed on a chilly winter’s night. In fact, my colleagues have admitted that they believe Rudd to be handsome. If we were to apply literal dictionary definitions, then Rudd and I have already won the argument.
You see, Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines sexiness as “generally attractive or interesting”, so by admitting Rudd is handsome, they have admitted he is sexy. However, I will agree with them that sexiness is not necessarily skin deep. To be truly attractive, you need something more, the aforementioned “je ne sais quoi”.
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Luckily Rudd is more than just a pretty face. He’s also tremendously funny, and a good sense of humour is incredibly sexy. In fact, a study by Gil Greengross and Geoffrey Miller, two academics from the University of Mexico, found that the ability to make people laugh increased the likelihood of you having more sexual partners. Greengross and Miller argue that a sense of humour actually evolved through sexual selection as it’s a good indicator of intelligence.
Is Paul Rudd funny? Well, we could get into a subjective argument about humour, or we could just point out he was nominated for a Critics’ Choice Movie Award for Best Actor in a Comedy, and he’s won a Critics’ Choice Television Award for Best Guest Performer in a Comedy Series. So yeah, I guess you can say he’s a funny guy.
So we know that Rudd’s handsome and funny, and we know these are two of the key elements in the amorous gumbo that makes someone sexy. But what about my colleagues’ argument that Rudd’s just too cuddly to be a truly sexy man, that he’s more of a Larry than a Frank.
Well, that’s difficult to argue with. Rudd comes across as the type of guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly, and yet, have you ever considered why it is he doesn’t seem to have aged a day since making Clueless?
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Could the MCU star be hiding a dark secret? Perhaps he’s a vampire – the sexiest of horror movie monsters – that would be pretty sexy, wouldn’t it? Even if he’s not a vampire, he may have a painting in the attic that grows old while he stays young like a modern-day Dorian Gray? Or you know, maybe he just has good skin? All three options are sexy, though, aren’t they?
So there we have it. Paul Rudd is sexy because he’s handsome, funny, and might be a vampire. What say you, dear reader? Are you with me or my colleagues?