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Noah’s Shark asks “What if Jaws, but Christian?”

Great white sharks are creatures of God, don't you know?

Noah's Shark movie poster

We’re going to need a bigger bible. Noah’s Shark, the new monster movie from Wide Eye Releasing, turns Jaws into a biblical tale about knowing our limitations as humans, or something – we’re sure there’s a moral here somewhere.

The premise is that some Christian filmmakers go out in search of Noah’s Ark for a documentary. They expect it to be a journey of self-discovery and all the usual carry-on, but then it becomes bloody because Noah hired a Great White as a bouncer against unwanted visitors. Unperturbed, the heroes decide to battle the shark in the name of being the ones who lay their hands on Noah’s fabled vessel.

It’s directed by Mark Polonia, whose filmography has a running line of shark-related misadventures. There’s Sharkenstein, about a Frankenstein’s monster shark (in case that wasn’t clear), Virus Shark, about a virus spread by sharks (in case that wasn’t clear), and Shark Encounters of the Third Kind, about sharks fighting aliens (in case that wasn’t clear). Tim Hatch, Jamie Morgan, Jeff Kirkendall,  Samantha Coolidge, and Ryan Dalto fill out the cast.

You can watch a trailer below. This thing is more Jaws: The Revenge than Jaws, but therein lies the charm. Steven Spielberg won’t allow anyone to touch Jaws these days, but y’know what Spielberg doesn’t hold the rights to? The bible. Checkmate, athiests.

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Noah’s Shark is due out this November, though no specific day is given. Perhaps those worthy will just know, like a message from above that, finally, another gift has been given to us. For some thrills you can watch right now, here’s the best horror movies on Netflix.