Doctor Who – Series Six Recaps, HaikWhos and Predictions

Doctor Who is coming back, and we are VERY excited.

The second half of series six of Doctor Who starts tomorrow, and we at Television @ The Digital Fix are very, very excited.

To whet your appetites, and to find some outlet for our ever-building excitement, we have some Doctor Who related delights for you. First, Amy and Nick (the former in normal/boring form, the latter in Haiku form) will recap the first half of the series for you. Then they’ll make some predictions for the new series.

Elsewhere on the site, Colin has a totally spoiler-free review of the first episode Let’s Kill Hitler — I promise, you’ll find nothing to ruin it for you. We don’t like spoilers!

But if you haven’t seen the first half of series six, there will be spoilers below. Obviously.

Recap of Series 4.1
The Impossible Astronaut
Amy’s Boring Version
In the middle of the dessert, the Doctor is shot dead by an astronaut who emerges from a lake. But then a younger version of the Doctor with no idea what’s just happened turns up. The four travel to 1969 where they encounter a scared young child in an astronaut suit and weird aliens called The Silence who are forgotten as soon as you look away. Oh, and Amy says she’s pregnant.

Nick’s HaikWho
A spaceman rises.
Lots of talking, won’t someone
think of the children?

Day Of The Moon
Amy’s Boring Version
Canton and Amy go to an orphanage to find more about astronaut-child, where Amy sees a photo of her and a baby. She is kidnapped by the Silence. The Doctor turns up and engineers it using the moon landing so that The Silence tell the human race to destroy them. Amy says she’s not pregnant, but the TARDIS says she is simultaneously pregnant and not pregnant.

Nick’s HaikWho
Thanks to the Silence,
you will not remember this,
so why try harder?

Curse Of The Black Spot
Amy’s Boring Version
On a pirate ship, as soon as any pirates are hurt they get kidnapped by a beautiful siren. One by one the pirates are kidnapped whilst the Doctor gets it wrong eleventy-billion times. Eventually it’s discovered that a spaceship is parked in the same place as the ship but in a different world, and the siren is the medical hologram. Rory is dead, then he isn’t, and the pirates are all alive again.

Nick’s HaikWho
Shiver me timbers!
Amy swashbuckles, parrot
absent, poor Rory.

The Doctor’s Wife
Amy’s Boring Version
The soul of the TARDIS is transferred to a woman. Amy and Rory are trapped in the TARDIS machine and tormented by the baddie who has taken it over. The Doctor and the lady-TARDIS manage to rescue them as we all fall a little bit in love with lady-TARDIS. Then her soul goes back into the machine.

Nick’s HaikWho
The Doctor meets House,
takes some of his vicodin,
sudden car fetish.

The Rebel Flesh
Amy’s Boring Version
Amy, Rory and the Doctor land outside an acid refinery. Inside they discover that the workers use “flesh” (models of themselves that they control, like in Avatar) to work as it’s too dangerous for them to work themselves. They call them Gangers. But a solar storm animates the Gangers, and some of the humans aren’t too happy about it. As it become a battle between Ganger and human, it’s revealed there’s another Ganger — a Ganger Doctor.

Nick’s HaikWho
Is identity
defined by memory or
effects quality?

The Almost People
Amy’s Boring Version
Rory goes around being all nice and trying to help the Gangers. The Gangers and the humans all show pretty nasty sides to themselves, and Amy reveals an enormous Ganger prejudice when she says that the Ganger-Doctor isn’t the real Doctor. Some humans and some Gangers die, including Ganger-Doctor, but eventually a group makes it out. Whilst the Gangers and Humans argue for Ganger rights, Amy herself is revealed to actually be a flesh Ganger. When she wakes up in her real body, she’s heavily pregnant and about to give birth.

Nick’s HaikWho
Heroic Rory,
two Doctors, all outshadowed
by Amy again.

A Good Man Goes To War
Amy’s Boring Version
Amy gives birth to a little girl, Melody Pond. The Doctor calls in lots of favours and manages to get the army guarding Amy and Melody to retreat without killing anyone. He discovers that Melody was conceived in the TARDIS and is basically part-human part-Timelord — she may be able to regenerate. Then it turns out that it was a trick — the army fight the Doctor’s friends and kill some of them, and Melody is revealed to be just a flesh Ganger, with the baddies still having hold of Amy’s baby. Then River Song turns up and reveals that it’s all okay, because she is actually Melody Pond all grown up.

Nick’s HaikWho
Who is River Song?
They shall try and distract us
with this kitchen sink.

Predictions for this series:
: After revealing that River Song is Amy’s daughter, where can they go with it? Did we see Melody Pond regenerating into River Song at the end of Day Of The Moon, or is that too obvious? Could she turn into the Doctor’s mother, before the She-TARDIS from The Doctor’s Wife appears and regenerates into Alex Kingston, thus revealing that Pond Jr is not just River Song, but the TARDIS itself? Would that be confusing enough for Steven Moffat?

And then, if this was Torchwood, Captain Jack appears and they all have an incest orgy with knives. Happily, this is not Torchwood.

Realistically, Moffat’s pet theme (made explicit in A Good Man Goes To War and last year’s The Pandorica Opens) is that the Doctor has become a legendary force for destruction, even if he thinks he’s merely a jolly, wandering chap. So we might face an ending where the Ponds somehow send their baby away to stop her being dragged into this cycle.

Of course, it’s been confirmed that Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvil are back next year in some capacity. Will Rory finally decide he isn’t cut out for adventuring and become a stay-at-home house husband? Is that why he keeps getting humiliated or killed? I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to find out. (As long as it isn’t the inbred knife orgy.)

Amy: If, as it seems, Melody Pond/River Song can regenerate, River Song can be a character for life. We see the Doctor moving from Time Point 1 to Time Point 2, we follow his story chronologically and see him regenerate forwards. We’ve seen River Song die in her introduction, Forest of the Dead, so we could follow her from Time Point 2 to Time Point 1. We could watch her regenerate backwards. We could start an episode with a completely different River, only to see her die and regenerate into our Alex Kingston River Song at the end. Does that make sense? If she can regenerate, we can follow her life from the end to the start.

It really wouldn’t surprise me if River/Melody wasn’t the little girl in the astronaut suit. Moffat likes to twist and turn, so there is quite possibly a whole other child we need to worry about.

Will Amy and Rory want their baby in the TARDIS? As Nick said, it’s dangerous in there for a child. But of course Amy loves travelling with the Doctor, and she might want to keep travelling even with a baby. Not entirely sure how Rory will feel about that.

As for general series predictions — Rory will die at least twice. Amy will wear lots of short skirts. River will make lots of innuendoes that younger children won’t get but that will make me blush. The Doctor will wear a series of fabulous hats and mention multiple times that bow ties are cool. The last episode will be very sad and tie in with, like Nick said, Moffat’s favourite theme that the Doctor isn’t necessarily as good as he thinks he is.

Nick Bryan

Updated: Aug 26, 2011

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