Television Top Trumps - Daisy Steiner vs Siobhan Sharpe
Our Television Top Trumps are back! And as Jacki Badger looks at new characters to pit against each other, there some actors and actresses that have played so many great characters, it's worth taking them for a second round. So once again, we're pitting Jessica Hynes (nee Stevenson) against Jessica Hynes as previous winner Spaced's Daisy Stein (who defeated Eva from Black Books) takes on Siobhan Sharpe from W1A...
When I left school, we had the obligatory “what will you be in ten years’ time?” question to answer for our yearbook. I nearly answered with two words: Daisy Steiner. I only didn’t because in ten years time I was going to be too old to be Daisy Steiner.
For Spaced’s Daisy is quite possibly my spirit animal. A little bit hopeless, quite a lot lazy, prone to exaggeration, and with the best damn dog in the world, she is who I always hoped I would be. And so pitting her against another of Jessica Hynes’ creations seemed a futile task, for Daisy was always going to win.
And then along came W1A’s Siobhan Sharpe.
For Siobhan is who I was always determined not to be. And so this Top Trumps is not so much a battle of the characters, as a battle for my very soul.
See that exaggeration? I told you Daisy was my spirit animal.
Daisy: Daisy wants to be a journalist, but she hasn’t quite tried it yet. Until she does try it, at which point it doesn’t go all that brilliantly – the poor woman says the phrase “Girl Power” in an interview. It’s a very late-90s specific professional catastrophe. Which means that it’ll probably come back into fashion pretty soon, so look out for aspiring young writers saying it at inappropriate moments. 4/10
Siobhan: Brand Consultant to the BBC, Siobhan is brought in to consult on their PR campaigns – which means they pay her to talk crap at them (see “Bollocks-talking” below). She’s clearly very good at talking crap though, for at her agency Perfect Curve, she’s got the title of “Head of Brand.” And only really good people get to put the words “Head of” in their job title. Supposedly. 8/10
Daisy: The charmingly-named Twist, a “best friend” whose sole reason for existence seems to be to make Daisy feel like absolute crap about herself. But since Twist forms one half of the most gloriously ridiculous TV couples of all time, we can definitely forgive her for that. Because after all, any woman who mutters the immortal line “don’t forget to wash your sheets. And your penis” while on the phone to their paramour can’t be all bad, can she? 10/10
Siobhan: Siobhan doesn’t so much have one sidekick watching her back, as a whole bunch of “creatives” ready to shout terrible, terrible ideas at her. But one of those “creatives” is played by the glorious Sarah Pascoe, which instantly gets Ms Sharpe two extra points. 9/10
Daisy: Like she fell into a charity shop discount bin and is yet to find her way out. It’s eclectic, and ridiculous, and I’m a bit in love with it if I’m honest. She probably smells a bit funny, though. That lovely vintage clothing musty stench must follow her everywhere she goes. 9/10
Siobhan: Corporate eccentric. Siobhan enjoys bright colours, fancy prints, and the odd power blazer. It’s a bit like someone let Daisy loose in a wanky boutique, if you think about it. Which would be a scene we’d like to see. 8/10
Daisy: Daisy has an…erm…interesting relationship with the truth. Twist doesn’t work in a dry cleaners, she works in fashion. She’s got friends in the media – meaning the paper boy. She creates an entire fictional relationship in order to secure a flat. She doesn’t mean to lie, it just sort of happens. Because being a journalist is about telling stories, isn’t it? She’d just better hope that there aren’t any fact-checkers about. 9/10
Siobhan: Who can talk greater bollocks than a would-be journalist? A PR woman, of course. Siobhan’s entire reason for living is to spout bollocks and charge people money for the privilege of hearing it. So what if 80% of the bollocks she spouts is made up of the words “O.K” “the thing is..” and “totally”? People just need validation sometimes. And to then have it followed up with some terrible ideas. 10/10
Daisy: Oh, the creativity of Daisy. Oh, how great it is. Oh, the things she could achieve if she actually applied it to anything of any use. Instead she applies it almost exclusively to coming up with new ways of avoiding doing any work. Honestly Daisy, if you’d just applied yourself then maybe you wouldn’t have come out of uni with that third in Humanities. Although it’s fine, a third. It’s what she was expecting. 9/10
Siobhan: For a woman who works in the creative industries, most of Siobhan’s creativity seems to lie in avoiding having to come up with anything creative. Asked for an opinion? Just say so many words on your way to coming out with one that everyone gets bored of waiting for you to actually say anything of any substance. And need an actual idea? That’s what your creative minions are for. 5/10
Daisy narrowly takes it with 41 to Siobhan’s 40. And I narrowly avoid having a complete identity crisis, so that’s good news all round.
Next up? Round 1 winner Daisy Steiner vs Round 2 winner Daisy Steiner?