Top Ten: TV Hotties
Throughout the history of television one thing has been constant. The stream of fabulously attractive lady characters. In a kind of reverse James Bond thing, all (most) girls wanted to be them and pretty much every bloke wanted to be with them. We're not talking just about beauty here, either. That is undoubtedly key to building up the myth of any character; but the writing, acting, style, chemical interactions and so on all combine to drive synergies and deliver something greater than simply the sum of all constituent parts.
This feature article attempts to dilute down the overflowing pot of female attraction at the fingertips of anyone with a remote control into just a top ten. It has not been determined scientifically. There was no consumer survey or statistical analysis to see which ten are liked significantly better than all the others. Its nearly wholly subjective, and that is not something this writer apologises for. One or two may have been suggested by friends or colleagues but at heart it is a personal sojourn through the history of television as witnessed by me (i.e. I struggle when we go too far past my date of birth). Conjecture is welcomed, abuse and laughter taken in good heart. Hopefully at least one will make each reader's heart sizzle and a real-life swoon will happen (do such things occur outside of television, in reality? Quite). Where would the pleasure in televisual life be, otherwise?
Final caveat - the ten lie on an equal footing; the same plane. There is no hierarchy in female hottie heaven. Or maybe I just dream of meeting each and every one of them and don't want to offend in case my chances are hurt...
Dr. Dana Scully
Quite possibly the finest redheaded doctor ever created from paper and film. Delivered to the door of Fox Mulder - fresh from his red shoe diaries titillation - she was the sceptic, the scientist. The weight which kept Mulder from drifting to outer space. All of this, along with her clear but unspoken and unacted upon love for Fox expressed wonderfully by the pair thanks to the divine chemistry between them (as well as the need for her to strip to her underwear in episode one) led to a 14 year old falling ever so slightly into lust with what is remembered as his most fond adolescent crush. To this day Scully holds a special place in the heart. I want to believe.
Wow. Just wow. What can be said about Caprica Six that can't be understood purely from looking at her? Quite a lot, as it happens - which is reassuring given this article is not just about beauty! When we first met her she was a very attractive lady. As she became a part of Baltar's mind (depending on how you have ultimately taken to understanding that particular relationship) she was quite possibly the ultimate fantasy. Played by a former model, she was utterly in love with her male companion and showed him time and time again just how much. She was always wanting some hanky-panky. But that was one version of her. The living version of Six was a more subtle, understated character but still one capable of great loving and equally intellectual when pitched against any other Cylon or human. To remind you: A former model played a character who was not shy of underdressing. A character who was poltically savvy, religiously focused and intellectually capable of standing shoulder to shoulder with giants? I leave you where we came in. Wow.
Hardly a surprise this one. From the moment Joss Whedon rebooted his teenage vampire slayer idea and made it into a TV series starring Sarah Michelle Gellar as the titular Buffy, many, many genre geeks around the world had a new poster girl. A replacement for Rita Hayworth in Andy Dufresne's cell. And that she remained for the duration and quite probably a long time after that. The actress herself - once likened to a duck by a friend of this writer (who's still unsure quite how such a likeness was derived) returns to screens this year in Ringer but quite frankly it was the whole package. The kung-fu ninja action; the sub-Arnie level quips; the cuteness. It was all there. The show itself helped of course - the writing, the group as a whole, the humour, pretty much everything in the show added to the magnificence of Buffy. The show was a big moment in any man's life aged 13-33. Many had other favourites, but aside from one very close competitor, Buffy is clearly the girl anyone would have gladly given their soul for in Angel's position...
A suggestion this. Personally, Dr Who is not on my to-watch list. Despite that, even I'd heard of this very new, very hot character. As described to me by a colleague on The Digital Fix - "For a few months in the spring, around about 6:30pm on Saturday nights, you could HEAR pulses quickening and fantasies forming in male heads all around the country". I'm really rather sorry to have missed it. Maybe I should ingratiate myself to the world of Who.
Rack Bauer. Of all the female characters from 24 this lady topped the tree even though she arrived only in day 7, and stayed for a while throughout day 8 - even if she was irrevocably altered by that point in terms of what her character was. Anyway, amazingly attractive and able to match Jack in the action stakes, she was the best thing about the final two days of 24, which were unfortunately a shadow of former glories (even if still pretty darned good versus the bulk of televisual output). That doesn't take anything from Renee though. She'd have powered to the top of the CTU tree any day.
This lady is 51 years old. She leads a team of CSIs. She is clearly a very clever person. She was a stripper once. She flirts and flatters and floats around the screen mesmerising colleagues, co-stars and viewers alike. I fail to see one single problem with Catherine Willows. Not a single reason as to why she would not be the perfect partner. In all regards. My word - if there is one show I look forward to watching in the current world of entertainment, it is CSI and the reason is this woman. I could pick many others if doing so for alternative reasoning but if given the choice of watching one female star on TV only, it would have to be this one in the stillness of time. Amazing.
For three glorious seasons Veronica Mars provided some of the most intelligent, complicated season arcs around and did so with aplomb. The character herself did so with a very cheeky, too smart for her own good manner and looked great all the while doing it. Importantly the written character, the acting, the style, all combined to bring to life a fabulously attractive young blonde who had the wit, common sense and GSOH which all blokes were after. Every single man who ever watched this show would struggle to contain their love for Veronica herself and if asked the direct question in front of their girlfriend or wife would frankly end up blurting out their undying commitment. It was pretty much a force of nature. Yet, no relationship would break-up as a result. The ladies loved her too. She had everything they wanted to be and more often than not, were. Apart from the sleuthing skills, anyway. Someone who clearly would be the rampant nympho in bed but was also very safe for taking home to meet Mother on a break from studying. With Buffy ending a year previously Veronica filled a hole and to this day still ensures that chasm is never quite so big as it once was.
Male Appeal. M. Appeal. Emma Peel. And so a star was born. Just to show TV did not begin in the 90's I had to find someone from an older generation of shows. It was not difficult. The Avengers and its lead female star truly is one of television's eternal hotties and quite possibly the greatest fantasy of any man lucky enough to have a TV in their house in the 1960's. Or 70's, 80's 90's and noughties! The fun show, the super-spy aspects and the leather one-piece all play a part but Dame Diana Rigg's smart portrayal of the wonderful Miss Peel was no small fry in the show's overall success. Male appeal is what they set out to deliver with this character and Emma Peel delivered it with much gusto.
In the 1990's no question was asked more in the entire world than this one: "Monica or Rachel?". Poor Phoebe never had a look-in. Yes, the biggest question in a world of 6 billion people for an entire decade or more was which girl out of Friends would you rather? It's one I myself struggled to answer for many years, flip-flopping between them both and possibly, once, even wondering if I really did prefer the third wheel. Nope, I sorted it out eventually. Brunettes win long-term in my eyes (possibly questionable to you, the discerning reader, when surveying all ten on this list!) so it had to be Monica. Plus she would always ensure you were well fed. And lived in a very clean apartment. You also didn't have to wonder if she only wanted you because you were like the dumb palaeontologist in the corner! A bonus in anyone's books.
Appearing all too fleetingly in the all too brief (I would say, anyway) run of Lost, Juliet was a wondrous site for sore eyes. Thinking Kate was the bees knees for a season or two my eyes were truly opened when we were first introduced to the well-proportioned doctor. My eyes, heart and attention-span were connected solely with Juliet for the duration of every Lost episode from that point on until the day she passed away. And then I was just miserable as she'd been torn away from me. A beautiful lady, and again intelligent, a clear pre-requisite for this list, Juliet's light shone for a limited time but what an impressively bright period that was.
So, am I crazy? Do my thoughts eerily match those of yours? Basically, what do you think? Do you agree with the list, or are there people you would have removed/added? Let us know in the comments.
Last updated: 29/06/2018 13:20:57