Girls S05 E09: Love Stories

You’re a dick. A secret dick to be sure but a dick. You’re very judgemental, you’re very moralistic. You definitely would have sent witches to trial in The Crucible...

Frannah is/are no more. Refreshingly, it isn’t Hannah throwing the hissy fit either but Mr. Parker who is hell-bent on telling our hapless Horvath that she will live to regret their break-up, he was an amazing boyfriend, she doesn’t know real love...yada, yada, yada.

Fran, you don’t even like me!
It does not matter if I don’t like you, okay. I LOVE YOU

W’okay, I always thought with romantic love, that, you know the like was kind of a given. No? Wow, boy have I been doing that wrong.

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Marnie has a “Love Dream” nope, me neither, which involves hair-brushing, a school-run and her climaxing. We’ve all been there, right? Guys...guys? She confides in Elijah; he who does so brilliantly at feigning disinterest, he’s such a snarky sweetheart, I'm really glad we have been treated to more Rannells magic this season.

Ray and Shosh are reunited and immediately team up to save Ray’s Coffee and defeat Helvetica across the way. You know the gender neutral place, named after a font, who insists upon hot liquids, no lids. Shosh now seems far more content to be back in the US and ready to put her mad marketing skills to use and help her deflowerer’s business. Elijah wants to prove to Dill, once and for all, that they should be exclusive and heads to a store where a very nice woman named D’Amelia Pretty Womans his shit and bedecks him in a power jacket and suitable accompanying attire. When he arrives at the studio and spills his guts and the contents of his heart (yeah, even Elijah Kranz has one)...oh man...it hurts. He doesn’t expect to be turned down (did any of us?) and while it wasn’t done *too* brutally; Jesus Dill, it stung; you made Elijah cry!

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Hannah quits, not only her miserable relationship but, her job and shares a tender moment with Principal Toby which thankfully, means her vagina stays put in her shorts. On her walk home, she runs into old frenemy Tally Schifrin (played by the returning and gloriously giggled Jenny Slate) and they agree to hang out. I have little doubt that the Hannah of old would have lied through her teeth to get out of it but they share hotdogs and Hannah is able to open up about things; the pain and anguish on her face as she describes the Adam/Jessa situation is heartbreaking and even more so when she confesses that she loves and misses them both:

My instinct is to run around and destroy things, scream, throw myself in front of a van to prove a point but then, at the end of the day, I’d just be fulfilling their expectation of me.” Ouch.

The evolution of Hannah has been a tumultuous one, over five seasons we have seen her ups, breakdowns, her lack of inclination towards soap and reluctance at bra-wearing. She’s ace – her imperfections and contradictions are refreshing and she, more so than the rest of her girls, is what keeps me returning each and every episode. She’s bloody infuriating but feels oh-so-fucking-real (well, as real as someone who is fictional and has an alliterative name along with her three besties can be). Hannah Banana is growing... then steals a bicycle, rides off into her metaphorical future – not unlike that first season episode in Bushwick when she was perched precariously on the handlebars of a Adam’s – only this time she’s steering. Straight back to her apartment to smoke a “fatty-J” with Tally. What? The girl’s wearing a bra, cut her some slack, we (mostly) all wear 'em, then act like idiots and engage in marijuana-infused slo-mo dance montages to Nicki Minaj and Bey Z. Kudos to Slate, Tally gets to confess all too, her existence is extremely lonely and not as glamorous as Hannah imagines.

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Shosh goes undercover for Ray's Coffee and unveils major rebranding, the place is now the "new destination for the anti-hipster" lo-and-behold it's a huge success and all is well with the beverage world as earnest beards are allowed entry while man-buns are banned. Marnie visits Boss-man Ray, you know to discuss the LOVE DREAM, and while it’s something I thought would eventually happen, I’m not sure how it’s going to work with Nitpicker Michaels who really can’t be alone. She likes using Ray, and revels in the fact that he is smitten with her; she even makes I love you a back-handed compliment:

I had a love dream about you.
What the fuck is a love dream?
I love you. Wait, no it can’t be you. It can’t be
I think there’s a strong chance it might be me, Marn

Jessa and Adam are hitting domesticity hard while trying to help Laird look after baby Sample, in Caroline’s absence. They arrive back at the apartment laden with shopping bags only to run into Hannah and Tally coming down the stairs. After strained hellos, Tally bursts into giggles swiftly followed by Hannah until they are both laughing psychotically at the bewildered couple. Not. Uncomfortable. At. All.

And so, the end is near... *sniff*

Music
Hitchin’ A Ride by Vanity Fare ℗2013 Ling Music Group
They Don’t Know by Kirsty MacColl ℗2012 Union Square Music Ltd
Feeling Myself (feat. Beyoncé) by Nicki Minaj ℗2014 Cash Money Records Inc.
Black Hole by She & Him ℗2008 Domino Recording Co Ltd

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