Girls 5.08: Homeward Bound

I don’t want to talk. I have a dick in my mouth.

Shosh is back. She doesn’t want to be and has a bit of a hissy-fit in the airport, “this country is bullshit!” screaming at the lack of manners when just two episodes ago she was bemoaning the people pleasers in Japan. Poor love has no clue what to do or where to do it.

We all knew it was on-the-cards, for the last six episodes at least and more so once Jessa and Adam’s relationship was confirmed. That said, I’m not sure anybody would have predicted the end of Fran and Hannah’s relationship in quite the way it is played out in Homeward Bound.

They have finished school for the summer, rented a motor home, and have hit the open road for three whole months: “ just us, buddy.” Hannah, unable to use the facilities in such close proximity to the shower asks for a rest-stop and then, while she’s in the cubicle, texts Fran and tells him to leave her there as she no longer wants to go on holiday or be in their relationship. Even by Hannah’s standards this is nuts, and so proceeds, an almost Carry-on chase sequence running away from her boyfriend, refusing to speak to him. Even after he acknowledges that they are over, and he has wasted an entire year hanging out with her, he still offers to drive her back to the city. I love Fran, even when it’s all said and done, he’s a good guy. If only there were more like him. Thankfully, his parting shot when Hannah refuses to get back in the car with him is a “fuck you" and a middle finger. Oh wow, now I even respect him.

Only Horvath could get stranded in the middle of nowhere in her pyjamas. Her first call is to Marnie who can’t go get her because she is rehearsing with Desi-the-drip, Jessa ignores her call and so Ray is the white Knight arriving in his coffee truck to save the day and the damsel. Barely making a dent into their journey time, Hannah decides she will thank Ray for picking her up and so she instinctively decides on a blow-job because...OBVIOUSLY. The next few moments are some of the most excruciating and amusing scenes, as Hannah attempts to talk and perform and ascertain what her driver likes. Well, until Ray closes his eyes and slams on the brakes down a grass verge. Long story short, the truck tips and the pair end up stranded arguing about the fact he couldn’t get hard.

Marnie and Desi are in a studio practising their demo which is fine when they are actually playing. When they’re not, Marnie doesn’t “exist outside of that realm” to her soon-to-be ex-husband or at least that’s what his old/new girlfriend Tandice Moncrief (guest star Lisa Bonet) tells her. He’s a needy bastard is Desi and this goes to further illustrate his ‘mummy issues’ which were divulged on his wedding day. He has the cheek to blame Marnie’s “rage stuff” for his ghosting. Ugh, I cannot wait for those divorce papers to be signed, Marnie, go solo, for Christ’s sake!

Adam visits Caroline and Laird, only to find that his sister has gone AWOL, leaving Jessa-Hannah, who is now worryingly being called Sample, with her father. Adam finds a note which alludes to postnatal depression and suicidal thoughts, and Laird soon disappears too leaving Adam literally holding the baby. Jessa is next to useless when it comes to caring for the infant and her hysteria -“Why aren’t you helping me?!” - when baby Sample up-chucks on her is met with a stony-faced Uncle Adam. “You’re an adult. She’s a baby. Why do you need more help than a baby?

Ill content to sit and wait for the tow-truck, Hannah thumbs a hitch with Hector Medina (played beautifully by Scandal’s Guillermo Diaz) much to the derision of Ray who screams after the car “YOU LAY A HAND ON HER, I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN LIKE LIAM NEESON!” Hector may have a gun on the backseat but he has no intention of harming Hannah, the gun isn’t even his but a prop wrestled from the hands of his abusive girlfriend; he simply wants the company as he heads to the city. The look of elation on his face as the New York skyline comes into view is really sweet and then for the first time in a long time, maybe even in this whole season, we see Hannah Banana smile at the joy of her hometown and at the prospect of starting over just like Hector and Shoshanna.

My own delight was short-lived once it dawned on me that there are only two episodes left to go *lip quiver*

New York Groove by Ace Frehley ℗2002 The Island Def Jam Music Group
Rosanna by Toto ℗1982 Sony Music Entertainment Inc.
Anchors Aweigh by Michael Penn ℗2016 Interscope Records

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