Television Top Trumps - Luke Cage vs Lemond Bishop

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Don’t let anyone tell you Netflix is all about Making a Murderer; it’s actually all about Mike Colter. He’s been streaming his way into people’s homes on Jessica Jones, and is about to come back in season six of the Good Wife, which is available later this month. But who wins; sneaky, unbeatable drug lord Lemond Bishop, or upright, unbeatable bar owner Luke Cage?

LOOK

Luke: T-shirt, jeans, leather jacket. Luke is deeply laid-back. Except for when he’s being all intense, and running around Hell’s Kitchen trying to take down his enemies. But hey, it’s important to be comfortable when you’re doing that, so at least he’s dressed for the job. 8/10

Lemond: Terribly sharp suits, which doubtless are kept spotless thanks to all those dry cleaning businesses he runs. Which aren’t in any way a front for all his drug-dealing. You would never see him in sweatpants, even though he owns a chain of gyms. Which is shame, for the suits are all a bit generic, really. 7/10

OCCUPATION

Luke: Runs a bar in Hell’s Kitchen. Or did until he blew it up, anyway. It’s a bit harder to serve the drunks and wasters of New York when your bar’s totally burned out, but he’ll doubtless find something else to keep him busy. Fighting the evil-doer who tricked him into the blowing his bar up, perhaps. 7/10

Lemond: Mr Bishop runs dry cleaners and gyms. That’s it. Legitimate businesses, that’s all he does. He’s definitely not a massive drug dealer, and those other businesses definitely aren’t a front to try and maintain respectability. That’s absolutely not the case. Really not. 2/10

ENEMY

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Luke: He lives a complex life, does our Luke. First he’s got to decide whether he hates Jessica or not, and then he encounters evil mindlord Killgrave. It’s hard to have an enemy when he can control your brain and convince you to turn against the people you do maybe like. But we’ll get to that. 10/10

Lemond: It’s rather more straightforward for Lemond, who’s just up against all of Chicago’s law enforcement. The District Attorney, in particular, is out to get him at all times. But who knows why, because all he has is legitimate businesses. Legitimate, you hear me? If only Lemond could control minds and make people believe that. 6/10

UNBEATABLE NATURE

Luke: Has unbreakable skin. Literally unbreakable skin. You could take a running leap at him with a musket and just bounce straight off. Oh, and he’s freakishly super-strong, which probably comes in handy too. 10/10

Lemond :There’s no unbreakable skin here, but things still seem to bounce off Lemond. For no matter how many times the District Attorney tries to nab him for his nefarious ways, it just never happens. Lemond Bishop will not be beaten, even without superpowers. Probably because he only runs legitimate businesses. Really. 8/10

MARITAL STATUS

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Luke: Single since the unfortunate premature death of his lovely wife, who got punched to death by Jessica Jones. But Jessica was under Killgrave’s influence, so Luke manages to just about get round to forgiving her in the end. We think. 3/10

Lemond: Single since the unfortunate premature death of his lovely wife, who was mysteriously killed. Probably by him. Almost definitely by him. For Lemond will do anything to protect his totally legitimate businesses, but seemingly doesn’t extend the same courtesy to his family – his precious son excluded. 1/10

UNWANTED TEAM-UP

Luke: Ends up working with the woman who killed his wife, in order to defeat the man who made that woman kill his wife. Until said man mind-controls him into turning against said woman, but pretending that’s not happened. Keeping it? Us neither. It all gets a bit bewildering. 10/10

Lemond: Investigator extraordinaire Kalinda finds herself roped into his shady dealings as part of an extended effort to keep her sometime shag-partner out of jail. It doesn’t go particularly well for anyone who’s involved, but that seems to be a running theme when Mr Bishop is around. 7/10

THE VERDICT

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Luke takes it with 48 to Lemond’s 31. Which is probably for the best, because even with the help of his employees at his totally legitimate gym, Lemond definitely wouldn’t be able to take down the practically invincible Luke.

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