Great British Bake Off - Live Blog: 6.01
So, there we go. Bake-off is back. The guy with the silly hat has gone immediately, which Twitter is very sad but very smug about, Sue and Mel have turned the innuendo dial up to 11, and the nation is already in love with a sweet lady who can't get her mousse to set. Everything is as it should be.
I'll be back for the second episode this time next week, and Omar will have a more put-together review up shortly. The second episode is all about biscuits, so I recommend stocking up on Hobnobs and ginger snaps to ensure you don't go quite as wild with hunger as I did whilst watching.
See you next week!
"My mum said if you get kicked out in the first round of bake-off, don't bother coming home"
Bloody hell. Things are HARSH in Flora's house. BRB, re-writing her storybook to incorporate this.
20:56 (and a bit)
Called it. YES Dorret!
Stu. Stu. STU.
WHY DOES HE WANT TO KILL ME?!
During this boring bit whilst they recap everything we just watched, can we take the time to admire this TERRIFYING tweet from Paul Hollywood just now?
Oh NO, Dorret. No, no, no. You poor thing. We can only hope that Hollywood and Mezza hate Stu and his bloody beetroot cake enough to give you a free ride on this one, teeny mistake.
"The piping round the top...it looks like it's from the seventies"
I have never seen such a "No shit, Sherlock" look as the one Sandy just gave to Hollywood.
Marie's cake came from a dark, dark place in her mind - but it looks AMAZING. You could set a Tim Burton film in that.
But she didn't throw it in the bin, because she's not a dick.
This lot talk about cake the way most frat boys talk about cheerleaders. I love it. Such unabashed passion for something so trivial.
Note to my husband - next time you make me dinner, I expect teeny tiny edible animals as decoration.
"I like working with chocolate, I like working with alcohol..."
Dorret. She just GETS me, y'know?
Why would you mess around with a black forest gateau, Stu? It's clearly the best cake IN THE WORLD. Only someone who thought that hat was a good idea would think this was a good idea.
(Cheap shot on the hat, but everyone on Twitter is doing it, so...)
Yes, well done Ugne, but you described cake as a sin so I just simply cannot bring myself to think anything positive about you. Sorry.
"The nuts have all crammed into one area"
NOTHING WORSE THAN WHEN YOUR NUTS ALL CRAM INTO ONE sorry I'll stop.
This is disappointing. They all look vaguely like cakes. It's not a proper technical challenge unless you've got one cake that looks like something a poorly dog would create.
"It just seems to be a bit odd to put water into a meringue"
Don't. Deviate. From. The. Recipe. C'mon, man. Have you learnt NOTHING from series 1-5?
Anyone else really wishing they'd stocked up on cake before watching this? I don't think my caramel Snack-A-Jacks are going to cut it.
It says a lot that Ian put seven shots of gin in that cake and Mary still didn't think there was enough booze in it.
Sorry, are we just going to skip over the INCREDIBLE/INSANE way that Stu has presented his cake?
Remember Series 1 where the bakers could shove anything that wasn't a charred mess on the plate and get Star Baker? Edd Kimber wouldn't have a chance against this lot.
"It looks alright. It's got a lovely crack!"
"One crack good, two cracks better"
Paul doesn't sound very Welsh. That's disappointing. My patriotic flame is flickering.
I wanted to hate Stu, but I love the sound of that cake. Dammit.
Of course Flora has an Aga. OF COURSE SHE DOES.
Flora is adorable. She looks like she's straight from a children's storybook about a girl at a boarding school who gets into all sorts of plucky escapades, then drinks pink lemonade with her hat at a jaunty angle.
I love how everyone has cottoned onto the fact that if you put alcohol in your cake Mary will love it.
I feel like Madeira cake is one those cakes that no-one ever makes or eats unless they're making something else, like a trifle. Ian has never made a coconut, ginger and lime Madeira cake in his LIFE. Nuts to this being a signature bake.
I know this, but I'm still totally buying it.
"I can be making a cake and you'll have a meat pie by the time I'm finished"
Don't brag about that, Sandy. That won't go down well in the tent.
AAAAAAAAAA! MEL! SUE! CRAP JOKES! IT'S BACK!
Hello, and welcome to TV@TDF's The Great British Bake Off liveblog! You wouldn't think that watching twelve people in frilly aprons fight to make the best focaccia would be thrilling enough to merit a liveblog, but there we go. What a time to be alive.
The page will refresh for you every 30 seconds, and I'll timestamp everything to make it a wee bit easier for you.
If you haven't checked out the contestants yet you can do so on the GBBO website. I'm putting money on Paul, but that is purely because he's Welsh and it feels like my patriotic duty.