Singles Round Up: 5th May 2014

Yeah, I know this is late. But a bank holiday weekend - who wants to sit around commenting on the new singles when there are the skulls of mods/rockers/hipsters to knock together down on Brighton beach? OK, so I tell a lie. I was in B&Q looking at paint and chippings for the front yard. But, y'know, at least give the impression of professionalism.

And here's my ha'penny's worth: don't release a single unless it's a 'single' - something that will get you radio play, will get people dancing or will sound good on a pub jukebox. If your trade is the snail-pace lament, save it for an album so folks can properly wallow. The depressed don't want to get out of bed every three minutes to lift the needle from the run-out groove.

Max Jury. Could there be a more apposite name given some of the legal shenanigans swirling around? Still, that's none of Max's business, for his trade is laid-back acoustic-ness. I'll be honest: Max sounds like a girl, but the press release is definite about the 'he'. The Honey Ants work in a similar style, albeit broadened with male/female vocals. A solid enough take on Nirvana's 'Frances Farmer ...' on the flip doesn't negate my observation that the a-side isn't single material though.

Bernhoft sails in on his longboat all the way from Norway. He's all about light, 80s pop. If he was wearing a pastel-coloured jacket, he'd be rolling the sleeves up just a little. Kan Wakan has a widescreen, Hollywood thing going on. You can imagine this might be where the next Adele album is going.

The new Cate Le Bon one, 'Sisters', seems a little mannered. I've spent five minutes thinking of the right word and I've settled on 'puckered', just because it seems a little bit pleased with itself. It wears its almost demo-esque air on its sleeve, but is too deliberate to truly capture something fresh. Likewise, Savages should be bread 'n butter round these parts, but again, we've perhaps found them too by-the-book, a science lab creation. 'Fuckers' is one of those ten minute, two chord workouts bands come up with when they need to pad out their setlists and, as such, utterly fails the jukebox test.

It'd be nice to finish the week with some positivity, but here's Brooke Candy's 'Opulence' instead. It's gash.

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