I must have been in a meeting or something. I mean, genuinely, I didn't think people did this anymore. Seriously? For real? Really for real? Well, see that gasted flabber looking forlorn in the corner? That's mine. Nymph are a nucleus of Matty McDermot and Eri Shoji. The press release tells us that Matty "comes most avowedly from a rock 'n roll, free jazz and noise background. He conjures the spirits of chaos and harmony he earned in those Osirian trenches thus endowing his sonic deftness into the nimbus of NYMPH." Ooh! I'll have a bit of that! Pfft. Yeah, if only. There is at least as much creative adventure in the blurb as there is in the record. Nymph consists of five tracks, mostly semi-improvised, I assume. Dear reader, it's not for me. Let me make that clear from the off. Thing is, I'm pretty sure it's not for you, either. Guess where they're from. Go on. Correct! Yep, only the very biggest apple would indulge such brazen tomfoolery. Opener 'Li-Yo' sounds like Led Zeppelin II played backwards...with a barn owl in the room. I recall track two, 'Reeds of Osirion', had a clarinet being punished for God knows what. The rest I've had to try and block out. Apparently 'singer' Eri "relies on intuitive vocal expression largely free from the semantic bounds of lyric; her mode finds form in a cavalcade of orgasmic yelps, howls & piercing screams." In other words, she can't f***ing sing. You can hear Simon Cowell now: "Eri, let's be honest, there were some tuning issues." Oh, sorry, you're telling me it's artistic enterprise to go with tuneless caterwauling, that she's a little Kelly Clarkson behind the farmyard squawks? My arse. Childish, I know. And I'm sorry, but they started it.