Metal Church - Weight Of The World

Wow, this album has, like a really heavy cover. Look at it. It's a METAL globe actually breaking through the CD cover. What a great concept. Well it’s a globe that seems to consist of one continent, and there are no prizes for identifying which continent that might be. METAL CHURCH hail from Seattle and are 20 years old this year. The press release makes for interesting reading. It claims that, unlike other metal bands during the eighties, they didn't stray from the underground and turn into a big hair band. Now, can you think of a rock band that did move from the underground and turn into a big hair band? Metallica? Nope. Megadeth? Nope. Motorhead? Nope. There must be someone. The press release wouldn't lie. Anyway, in the 90's METAL CHURCH went their seperate directions but now, thanks probably to The Darkness, they've decided to give it another shot. Aren't we lucky?

Well, frankly, no we're not. They might be twenty years old, but musically, they're about eight and that's being charitable. The problem is that it's all far too pedestrian to rise above a level that can only be described as turgid. The production is clean. The actual musicianship is technically excellent, but there's no feeling or even a sense of enjoyment about it. Don't be fooled. Making music is bloody hard work, but there’s no earthly reason why listening to it should be bloody hard work. Come on chaps, we know songs with titles like 'Weight Of The World' and 'Cradle To Grave' are serious but if they're as joyless to play as they are to listen too, then there's a world of other career options available to you. Please think about it, at least. 'Madman's Soul' lasts for eight minutes for fuck's sake and, hilariously, begins to fade out during the last verse as though some poor engineer, sick to the stomach at the prospect of another predictable eruption of joyless fret wankery, has simply decided enough is enough and, please, lads, lets stop that one there, shall we?

It's not all bad, though, really. There are one or two minutes where it sort of comes together for METAL CHURCH. 'Wings Of Tomorrow' has a lovely rhythmic bit of riffing and an actual, honest to goodness, sort of key change that lifts it head and shoulders above the rest of the album. There's a real chorus as well. For a moment, you're reminded of early Rainbow or Dio and it's like the sun breaking through the clouds on a really shit day. The gloom soon descends, though, and it's back to the dreary, artless metal-by-numbers for the leather jacketed buffoons.

There's no shortage of dire heavy metal in the world. At times, you could drown in it and this album is just one more drop into the sea of retarded sexuality that the genre prides itself on. If you're a METAL CHURCH fan and came in here to read about your heroes, well, it's unlikely you've gotten this far, but if you have thank you, and you'd be much better off with anything by Iron Maiden, Helloween or the aforementioned Dio or Rainbow. Please buy them instead and help nudge the METAL CHURCH lads into a nice, new career. They're from Seattle and Starbucks is always on the lookout for new Barristas. Help make the dream a reality and save your cash.

It gets two points, though; one for 'Wings Of Tomorrow’, which became something of a guilty pleasure and the other point is for Kurdt Vanderhoof, on guitar, for having such a cool METAL name.

Overall

2

out of 10

Last updated: 19/04/2018 12:24:03

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