Paris Hilton - Paris

When you open a package containing CD's to review, it can be a pretty hit and miss affair. Sometimes you can discover an artist you've never heard of before or, in the case of Paris Hilton, you see an album that you dread before you even play it. However I could be wrong, couldn't I? This could be a pop gem of an album, full of dance-floor filling hits... Or not.

Other reviews have gone for the "so bad it's good" angle. Or that, in fact, this IS a pop gem. Don't listen to them, this is just plain bad. Even Robbie William's new single is better than this - at least it's different.

In my mind, this album distils all that's bad about the music industry - image over music. It's obvious that it's not her raw, natural voice here - the studio trickery makes her sound angelic and ethereal in nature, the vocals covered in so much sheen that you could see your face in them. Then there are the lyrics - so bad that they're not even printed in the inlay booklet (you can find some pictures of Paris in various stages of undress instead). And the less said about her cover of "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" the better... It's not even one of Rod Stewart's best moments. Actually, I'll admit to liking "I Want You", but only because it reminds me of Girls Aloud and contains a sample from "Grease" to push things along.

In a recent interview in GQ magazine, Paris was interview by Piers Morgan. It was a fantastic article, Morgan tying her in circles which ever way she turned. But the most interesting part of it was when she described herself. She didn't want to be seen as a model, an actress or as a singer, but as a "brand". That, in itself, should be enough of a reason to melt each and every one of these "albums". With all the great pop groups out there at the moment, Girls Aloud, Sugababes etc, why we need to endure this is beyond me. If I was a lucky man, I would have received one of Banksy's albums instead... I'm not, so I've got this. Who'll give me a fiver for it?

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