Dancing on Ice

To tie in with ITV’s slippery facsimile of “Strictly Come Dancing”, this release brings together the songs and tunes used by the stars and their partners as they slide and tumble and get slagged off by the judges. I must confess that this release presents me with two puzzles. Puzzle number one: why would anyone want to buy such a lame collection of songs that they probably already own in some shape or form.

And puzzle number two: once you have bought it, what are you going to do with it? At least with a Strictly Come Dancing album you can have a little salsa or foxtrot in your living room. But with this album, how can you possible re-create that ice-skating magic? Are you going to take it down your local ice-rink and ask them to pop it on the PA. Or take your boom-box to the village pond, and hope you don’t have an Omen 2 moment in the process.

No, I guess the hope here is that people will go “oh, mum’s birthdays next week. She likes that programme. I think I’ll get her the album”. And what she will get is a very random collection of songs that bear no relation to each other whatsoever, tied together with the very tenuous theme of a lame TV show. We kick of with Queen, a song that I can’t listen to without imagine people hitting the crap out of zombies with pool cues. That’s better though than “Rock DJ”, a song I can’t listen to without thinking of the theme tune to “Are You Being Served”.

Liberty X and Soft Cell are the only two really fantastic songs on this album – once these are over, its pretty crass all the way. For a start, we get Phil Collins, and a collection of duff 80’s power ballads. “I Will Survive” crops up, as always. Hearing The Troggs provides a diversion as you try to imagine how anyone could create an ice-skating routine to it. And rounding things off we have Ravel’s “Bolero”, and its the full version at that, more than enough to bring back a misty memory of Olympic Gold for Torville and Dean (and yes, I reckon they have as well).

If you liked the TV show and the music on it, then why not get this album. It’s a shameless cash in, no question about it, but it will bring back happy memories of Winter Saturday nights in front of the telly. Otherwise though, there is nothing here at all to recommend.

Last updated: 18/05/2018 08:23:05

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