Jedward - Planet Jedward
Ladies and gentleghouls, we give you Planet Jedward, the not particularly anticipated debut from the Brothers Grimes, a cautionary fable from the land of make-believe and sinister TV pantomime.
Stage left, Louis Walsh who, like a pancaked Wicked Godmother, has seen fit to lumber his young (born the month after Nevermind was released) proteges with a frankly tacky collection of car boot karaoke tracks with next to no perceptible vision of how the twins will see out their three (three!) album deal with Universal after being dropped by Sony after one solitary single. Tacky because the choice of covers beggars belief: 'Ghostbusters', 'Pop Muzik', 'I Like To Move It' may be an honest memento of their time on X Factor series six, but as any kind of platform to build a career, it verges on infanticide.
And it's a shame because even a know-nothing gimp like me can seen Jedward have some kind of potential as a marketable knock-about pop act. Young, dumb and full of fun, their versions of Blink 182 and - Lord help us - 'Teenage Kicks' (with its cheeky nod to the Sex Pistols) is all the ammunition you need to envisage some kind of Lil' Chris x2, a two-headed pop-punk rock beast that'll have those training bras on stage in a wink. For all the time it took to gather these Bontempi-lame backing tracks, someone could've got James from Busted to knock together half-a-dozen party tracks, like Andrew WK with added tartazine, instead. Cheesier than an upturned lorryload of Dairylea, but better than this fetid mess, surely?
The only real losers are the twins themselves unless, of course, they're savvy enough to realise that their star is already fading, and that a) they've secured the services of Ireland's best accountant and b) they're availing themselves of every opportunity not to wake up alone when, like Chico, et al. they're diaried in at yet another family fun day at the horse races, earning a few grand alongside Slade II and Go West.