Bond - Classified

Do Bond exist? It might seem like a silly question but look closely at that cover. Bond are four little pixies that look somewhere between fourteen and seventeen years old. There's something almost robotic about the pictures that grace the cover and the inner sleeve. The inner sleeve in particular is interesting; there's a vast number of names credited to each song, and just look at that list of producers. It's a bit excessive, no? Eight producers for an eleven-track album? Something doesn't smell right, here. What happens when you play the thing?

Well, put simply, Bond specialise in lift music. It's semi-classical rock blessed with an over-the-top production that ensures each song, or piece if you will, is bloated to the point where any feeling or expression is simply liquidated. The drums are hollow and false sounding, the violins sound like samples and the vocals, where they exist, sound cut and pasted onto the song. Little snippets of familiar sounding songs add to the illusion that 'Bond' are simply a marketing exercise fronted by dull looking pretty faces. For example, 'Explosive' which kicks off the whole shebang has lifted it's main signature lock stock from The Manics', 'A Design For Life'. And it gets no better as the album limps onwards. Soulless snatches of the Star Wars 'Imperial March' turn up here and there and it's all set to a pounding disco beat. There might be real instruments in there somewhere, but it sounds like cheesey synth-pop repeated ad nauseum.

So what's the point of them? It's difficult to decide who the market for this is. Nobody who like classical music would be able to stomach it for more than a few seconds. It's simply too loathsome. Pop kids might enjoy it for a few minutes, but no one over the age of 10 would consider this interesting compared to the delights of the latest boy band. Possibly the only people Bond appeal too are the marketing team who came up with the idea in the first place. Quite possibly the worst album ever.



out of 10

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