Sexy Battle Girls Review
For schoolgirl Mirai Asamiya (Kyoko Hashimoto) life at home is a little difficult. You see ever since her birth her father (Yutaka Ikejima) has been preparing her to carry out a certain act of revenge. When he learns that she has recently lost her innocence to one of her teachers he goes berserk, stating that she should never remove her curious shackles and that her dangerous vagina can only be used for one purpose in mind - which for the time being involves crushing bananas and eggs between her legs. Because of her naughty antics he quickly has her transferred to a new school, where she makes a new friend in Yuka (Ayu Kiyokawa), who happens to be the daughter of Headmaster Bush (Yukijiro Hotaru). It’s also not long before she runs into resident bully Susan Arashiyama (Ayumi Taguchi), which then creates all kinds of problems. Soon Mirai learns of her ultimate destiny, whereby unlikely alliances are forged and bonds are broken. She might play with toys, but this aint no game.
It’s almost hard to believe that the Sukeban Deka series continues to inspire so outrageously more than twenty years after its conception. Just recently we had Kenta Fukasaku’s modern retelling, which in the same year spurred on the more adult-themed Sexy Yo-Yo Girl Cop - which John had the misfortune of sitting through recently. Though not in any official capacity, 1986’s Sexy Battle Girls is a fiercely paced parody of the original Japanese television series which featured a Yo-Yo wielding schoolgirl battling evildoers. It pre-empted the release of the first Sukeban Deka feature film by one year, which certainly makes it all the more interesting in that the Pinku genre didn’t mess about at all when it came to capitalizing on contemporary hits. It’s original title of SukePan Deka (See-through panties Cop) is literally a play on words, and has little relevance overseas, but it remains true to its roots and comes across as a fond homage - or arguably merciless rip-off - to the series that kicked off a trend…only with plenty more tits.
Director Mototsugi Watanabe lifts just about enough from the series to create some kind of semblance: the school setting of course, a few dialogue-driven encounters here and there, and some familiar character traits which sees things play quite well off the original premise. This time our heroine swings her trusty Kendama (a traditional Japanese toy), which happens to house an unstoppable phallus, while rivals carry cheap but deadly projectile pens. Unsurprisingly there’s little action here, and what there is is pretty hokey, though charming all the same. The story itself it utterly ludicrous, being so simplistic as to pit Mirai against an evil headmaster who stole her mother away from her father because he had an enormous cock. For some unexplained reason though Mirai’s dad knows all too well of his daughter’s special vaginal move - the “Venus Crush” - which can turn any man impotent. Prolly best not to think too much about it really. Anyways, that’s about the crux of things. All of this is of course interspersed by half a dozen lengthy sex scenes, which although take up half of the film’s run time at least come across as being quite racy; Watanabe certainly a dab hand at directing such naughty nonsense. And they’re not without their hilarity either. I can’t recall having seen a feature in which the male love-pump is actually represented onscreen by a rubber toy. And that’s not before plenty of unusual face sucking, mind you. The director, along with his scribe Masumi Hirayanagi, even throws in some bizarre politics as schoolgirls are sold to politicians as sex slaves. Sure enough there’s a bit of something for everyone as our performers go OTT in satisfying our needs. Hurrah!
As to be expected Pink Eiga’s treatment here is reminiscent to that of their previous two releases. Sexy Battle Girls is presented non-anamorphically at a ratio of 1.85:1 and seems to come from an analogue source. There’s some heavy ringing, ghosting artefacts and a little cross-colouring which most of these Pink entries have exhibited across various distributions. Therefore I’m a little more accustomed to this grubbier appearance, though I’d still like to see anamorphic enhancement at the very least. Otherwise this really isn’t too shabby, aside from the obvious contrast issues. Skin tones come across appropriate and there is enough detail to please in close shots. Not too bad for a twenty year-old low-budget skin flick.
The DD 2.0 Japanese track is fairly standard stuff, so I’m not going to go into any details. Suffice it to say dialogue comes across perfectly clear and there are no defects. English subtitles are once again hard-matted to the image, but the translation is solid, well-timed and free from grammatical errors.
Though there’s not much here I really like that Pink Eiga have gone to the trouble of providing a solid trivia page, which offers enough information of interest to cover a commentary track. Highly recommended for those new to the Sukeban Deka series. Also included are obligatory biographies for the director and main leads; two versions of the trailer, cut together quite amusingly by Pink Eiga; a photo gallery slide show, which could do without the moving images, and finally the original cover art.
Perhaps most impressively of all is that Sexy Battle Girls is littered with top Japanese talent, from screen veterans to writers and editors, who have each contributed great things toward Pinku and mainstream cinema. That doesn’t make the end result a great deal better however, as this is simply a lightweight gimmicky affair that was based on an already gimmicky series. Still, it’s well directed and the humour couldn’t be planted any further in cheek. This should ensure then that fans of Pink cinema will get enough of their fix for the time being, until Pink Eiga unleashes more madness onto the public.