Yo Yo Sexy Girl Cop Review

The Film

To make a film is something I regard as a very noble achievement. I admire anyone who chooses to give it a go while a moral coward like myself hides in front of the TV. I know that it's easier to criticise than to dust yourself down and just make a movie, and I try to remember this when writing about them, especially the small no budget ones where discouragement is in plentiful supply from know it all types like myself.
In the case of Yo Yo Sexy Girl Cop, I will make an exception to my usual kind approach to small films. It is a digital tape worm that has wound it's way though the digestive tracts of talented artists and is now hoping to meet its own needs by feasting off the food on other's tables. Those responsible for it should be surgically removed from the cinematic community and encouraged into believing that their personal skills are more suited to covering weddings and barmitzvahs. I would suggest funerals as well, but the thought of these people around corpses really does give me pause.

Throughout the 77 minutes I spent with this film, lots of thoughts went through my head. I started to think about cleaning the oven, I noticed a portion of the carpet that needs some more hoovering, and my imagination rushed and rushed to give my intellect something to do to replace the cultural and entertainment vacuum I was experiencing. Anything became a distraction, and eventually I realised that the only potentially useful thing about this film is the tremendous power it would give our secret services in torturing terror suspects. Just imagine that we caught Osama Bin Laden and we needed to get details of his network out of him, I guarantee that the world would be a safer place after just 30 minutes of Yo Yo Sexy Girl Cop.
I can forgive incompetence if it's knowing, I can forgive talentlessness if it's well meaning, but I can't forgive talentless incompetence on the level of taking a huge crap in my living room and then smearing it everywhere because it's fun. Yo Yo Sexy Girl Cop can't do plot, can't do pastiche, can't do acting and is as sexy as Peter Mandelson on a cold day. When the film tries to be tense, it droops, when it tries to emote, it droops, and when it fumbles about in its over lit badly shot glory for your cinematic bra strap, you just may never be able to have sex again.

Dredging my mind for other positives, I suppose the fact that it exists and has possibly made someone money provides hope for anyone who thought film-making is all about filming in your garage and convincing women to take their tops off. By the way, a lot of this film clearly takes place in someone's garage, and please note, budding directors, that simply putting different people in the same location will not convince anyone that the space meant for your 2CV is actually a police station, a crime hideout, and a bedroom.
I didn't laugh. I didn't appreciate anything here. All that happened was that my tiny grubby soul just got tinier and grubbier. The appearance of flesh did nothing and the regular attempts to borrow from Kenta Fukasaku's film just reinforced the comparative lack of talent and creativity deficit.

Yo Yo Sexy Girl Cop is bottom feeding useless crap.


Transfer and Sound

Shot badly using cheapo methods, the transfer here is quite good considering the low budget origins. The picture is reasonably sharp and the contrast is above average. The colour treatment has a slightly yellow hue to everything but again I would put this down to the source materials more than anything else. I noticed a bit of aliasing and some compression artefacts in darker sequences but overall the video quality is as strong as could be expected.
The audio is a little less impressive but I am again left feeling that the source materials are the reason, with the basic sound recording being responsible for quite a lot of hum and crackling in the exterior shots, and the dullness of reproduction being down to similar lo fi recording. The English subtitles are probably guilty of some mistranslations which make the plot harder to follow but given the incompetence of the film, I can't say for sure.

Discs and Special Features

An unsubtitled making of featurette that last 14 minutes and takes place in a production office is the key extra. I can only dream of what the genius film-makers are saying and suggesting to the cast, and in this respect I didn't mind not being able to understand the intentions behind this turd. There's a trailer which is very nearly as dull as the film itself, and finally a slide show telling you about other much more interesting releases from Cinema Epoch. This takes up the single layer region free disc.

Summary

I requested to cover this film as this kind of sub genre thing usually floats my boat, but I ask that you learn from my experience and purchase Sukeban Boy or one of those excellent Nikkatsu releases from our fine sponsors instead. I've included links to our reviews of those fine films in the side panel and do make use of them. With respect to Yo Yo Sexy Girl Cop, don't even think about it unless masochism is your thing.

Film
1 out of 10
Video
6 out of 10
Audio
6 out of 10
Extras
3 out of 10
Overall

3

out of 10

Last updated: 18/04/2018 21:17:46

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