Playboy Cinema Collection: Love Circles Review

I would talk dirty in bed but have a deep fear that saying, "Look at my cock, you dirty bitch!" might (a) actually be considered quite offensive by someone not expecting it, (b) give the impression that I was suffering from Tourette's or (c) result in my being laughed at. Or worse, that I might be out-sworn by a girl, who sees out my Ben Dover favourite of, "Ooooh, smashing tits!" and raises it with a, "Fuck me you fuck! Fuck! Fuck me in the ass!" At which point, I might, like the good lady wife of a vicar, blanche at hearing such talk and actually faint.

There is no such issue with shame in Love Circles, which actually has a Parisian woman (Josephine Jacqueline Jones) making love with an American tourist and growling like a tiger throughout, as well as making her hands into claws and baring her teeth in a threatening manner. I'm afraid that the constitution of many a man would let them down somewhat when faced with such a thing but, as the audience, it's laughs all the way, not least when the action speeds up and Jones bounces around the room à la Benny Hill. All that's missing is Yakkity Sax and a bald man being slapped on the head. It turns out that Jones has but a few minutes in the turning story of Love Circles, which begins with Jack (John Sibbit), the same American tourist, stopping off at a nightclub in Paris and being taken home by the beautiful Suzy (Marie-France), who strips for him and makes love the rest of the night. The next morning he leaves, taking with him a packet of herbal cigarettes that he had been handed in the club and, showing a kind of luck that few of us ever have, ends up in a bed with Brigid (Jones), a quite mad hotelier who wears him out and leaves him still sleeping. As she undoes the lock on the door, she picks up the packet of herbal cigarettes and takes them with her, finding that along with twenty smelly menthol fags, she takes Jack's luck with her.

It turns out that there's magic in this packet of fags and the more they go from one hand to another, the further Love Circles tours the world alongside them. Paris, the Palace nightclub and Jack and Suzy lead to the south of France, a casino and the occupying of a female toilet, whilst an old dear waits outside and holds in her bladder, and from there to a mixed sauna and some sex that would be quite impossible without a penis that, even when erect, remained very bendy. As well as being so long that to get erect in the first place, it would require so much blood as to leave its owner with permanent brain damage. From France, Love Circles goes to Hong Kong, on board a plane piloted by a man whose lap is occupied by the frisky Yo Yo (Michelle Siu), who, in a two-for-one deal with her twin sister Ko Ko, does some remarkable things with to a man whose face suggests that not only has his cum come forth with such force that it's broken a light bulb hanging from the ceiling but that his penis has burst. From Hong Kong, the cigarettes arrive in New York via a casting session and, from there, back to the Palace nightclub in Paris where Suzy sees her own handwriting on the packet. It's no Rosebud, hell, it's not even M Night Shyamalan's The Village but at least it tries for plotting, which is much, much more than can be said for anything else that I've watched this day.

Something else that Love Circles offers that nothing else has done today is a bit of hardcore, which was highlighted in a comment on the IMDB by assassin70. Late on, a casting session leads to Jill (Lisa Allison) stripping off for a producer and from that to a session on the bed. The video camera is still running and as Jill heaves herself to an orgasm, the shot cuts to the television on which the video feed is playing, showing Jill bouncing up and down on top of what looks distinctly like an erect penis. Either that or the producer with whom she's sharing a bed is holding a candlestick between his legs. It's clearly hardcore but perhaps not filmed as such, at least not when Jill rolls off him and he doesn't finish by slapping her on the arse and wanking himself off over her breasts, that being something of a classic manoeuvre in hardcore that never fails to go down anything but badly in real life.

Of course, you have to look carefully to see this but such is the way with pornography. I can't imagine anyone watching this film for the plotting, the acting and not even the twist, rather that its typical audience will watch a sex scene, fast forward to the next and so on. For the ladies we have that one penis, which makes it a single penis in the seven-and-a-half hours of film that I've watched this day, but the men have a lot of very beautiful women, none more so than Marie-France and Sophie Berger, the second of whom is not your typical porn star actress, having breasts no larger than the average thirty-five-year-old man. But perhaps more attractive ones. Add to that a sense of comedy that wouldn't raise the slightest laugh anywhere else but which actually works in a soft porn flick - this includes the planeload of passengers who see the funny side of near death when the 747 on which their travelling dives from the sky when Yo Yo interferes not only with the controls but also with the pilot - and Love Circles isn't the disaster it could have been. There is, however, several unsavoury members of the cast who could sweat for France, some ridiculous fashions, which, being French, are a good couple of years behind when London saw them, and Josephine Jacqueline Jones roaring like a tiger, which remains a very low point amongst the man that I've seen today.


We're back with the picture quality of Christina and Ecstasy for this film, obviously sourced off videotape, probably produced for cable television and struck onto DVD by someone who didn't pay very much attention to what was being encoded. This is a shabby-looking film with an audio track that's not a whole lot better. The entire transfer, picture and sound, is noisy and lacks detail with the English DD2.0 audio track lacking top end and a picture that, as soft as it is, is not the kind of thing that you originally promised yourself a DVD player. Still, one needn't worry as the bit that you'll be watching over and over again is the worst of the lot, a videotaping of a television showing footage sourced of a video camera of penetrative sex.


The only bonus material is a set of Trailers (5m11s) for these Fabulous Films softcore releases, including Black Venus, Christina, Love Circles and Ecstasy.


And I'm done...finding that five films like this, watched one after the other might be too much soft porn for anyone's eyes. That and there being the suggestion that less discerning viewers might well have an aching right (or left) arm after so much action. These five films - Black Venus, Christina, Love Circles, Ecstasy and Frank And I - are quite dreadful but have their moments, none more so than Charles Beaumont wondering just what it is that he so likes about sixteen-year-old Frank (he's a girl!) and Christina van Belle having toy cars driving her to orgasm. Awful but somehow marvellous, showing an inventiveness that mainstream cinema could do with more of, shit ninjas, magic menthols, cross-dressing teens, old farts in long johns and all.

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